DRINKIN’(AND DRUNKEN) BEAUTIES - PART TWO!!!

Friday Morning – It all began at 8:30 AM

Arriving late at Ms. S’s house, I’ve had too much instant cappuccino mix and I’ve forgotten the cookout table. Nothing out of the ordinary there. After loading her into my truck, we headed over to Ms. T’s house which is the meeting place for everyone and has been since the beginning of time. As usual, I’m one of the three chosen drivers and somehow we’re going to fit all of our gear plus our twelve sorry asses into two SUV’s and a mini-van. I transported five of the twelve ladies. The other SUV had two ladies and most of their gear plus a little bit of everyone else’s and the mini-van carted the remaining five ladies.

A car full of chatty and excited women can be difficult to manage therefore my first self-imposed requirement was to drink at least two beers before heading out. Please see the picture. This is what was in my back seat (from left to right: Ms. S, Ms. A, and Ms. E – not pictured Ms. T – she was shotgun). Now you understand the beer and why this is where things begin to get fuzzy for me. I didn’t drink while I drove; I drank only at the stops, thereby maintaining some sort of sobriety until we arrived at our destination.

Take a hard stare at these young, vibrant, beautiful, unassuming, innocent and angelic looking women. I’m sure it’s impossible to believe that the conversations which came out of these ladies could’ve made even poor John Holmes (God rest his soul) blush. Oh yes, I did joyously partake of the iniquitous conversations and contributed to them by providing the joyous sounds of a cheesy romance novel on audiotape.

In my excitement of such luscious talk, I began to rush things by speeding down the highway at 80 mph and I passed a state patrol car as it pulled out to probably pull me over. The speed at which my friends hid their beer cans and drink containers was faster than I’d ever seen them move, ever. Luckily, I didn’t get stopped but had he done so, he would’ve smelled our well pickled fragrance and it could’ve been very bad. I cannot even imagine the possible comments which could’ve poured out of the back seat while the man in uniform would do his job and write me a ticket. Imagine hearing a quiet giggle then ‘oh my, look at his thrusting and turgid pleasure rod’. It probably would’ve have sent me over the edge and straight to jail (and then hell).

In retrospect, I think we scared him. I think he knew better than to mess with us that day. Us ladies…the big scary lesbians.

I’ve only covered Friday morning. There still is Friday night, Saturday and Sunday to cover.

Hang in there as there is much much more to be continued…

DRINKIN’(AND DRUNKEN) BEAUTIES - PART ONE!!!

Introduction and ‘You think we’re what?’

This past weekend I survived yet another one of our annual Girls Only weekends. As usual, I learned a lot about the lives of other women and I learned a lot about myself. Granted, there’s a tremendous amount of alcohol consumed which always enhances our many philosophical discussions as well as our many not-so-philosophical discussions and unfortunately I end up forgetting what the hell we talked about by Sunday night. A wicked side effect of alcohol, I’m afraid.

Recently I mentioned to the ladies that I would eventually write a book encompassing all of our past adventures and put them into a one long weekend story but I’m beginning to think this may be impossible. We’ve had too many adventures, mishaps and revelations to make my one-weekend story believable. I’ll get it all creatively combined one day and it’ll have to happen soon because as the years move along, the list of stories is becoming overwhelming.

It didn’t occur to me until now that my blog can include at least a tiny portion of the experience.

I spent the past 3 days with a most eclectic, intelligent, strong-willed, open-minded, loving, charismatic, humorous, witty, stubborn, talented, creative, independent and powerful group of women I’ve ever known. These weekends always leave me in awe not to mention greatly humbled. Our group of twelve covers just about every type of woman in any stage of life. Some of the ladies are single, married, cohabitating, some with children, some without children, some grandmothers, menopausal, pre-menopausal, not even close to menopausal, and some wishing we were menopausal. Some of us have very few tattoos to none at all while some of us are very well inked and others of us are working our way to well inked. I would continue but I think I’ve covered the gist of us.

Keeping in mind the above description, we’ve now been labeled by the last two campgrounds as ‘that group of lesbians’. Whether or not we have lesbians amidst us is of no importance. What is important is the fact that we’ve been labeled as such and it has led us into the discussion of why. Why is it assumed we are all lesbians? Because we are able to camp, grille out, hang out, tease, talk like sailors and have a good time without the assistance of men? Is it because the male campers in the surrounding area fantasize and wish we were lesbians (of course because we’re all beautiful!!!)? On what basis does the label come from? I’m personally not insulted because I don’t care what people think but I’m fascinated by the assumption.

It’s inevitable that our happy little group of females will become infiltrated by some overly-curious male to whom we usually end up asking to leave after we’ve been rude and very blunt about our displeasure with his presence. It’s a Girls Only weekend after all. But for some reason, a waywardly male has to come and say ‘hello’. Is our rejection of such a male the reason for the lesbian label? Honestly guys, do you really think our rejection of you means we’re gay? If this is true, how egocentric can you be?

The reasoning behind these weekends is because we have enough men in our lives and we’d like to have at least three days out of the year of a completely different type of entertainment. No kids, no men, no Tupperware or whatever kind of chick party crap and no talking about our jobs (I honestly have no idea what anyone does for a living.). Just us ladies being who we are, saying what we like, chastising one another without worry of insult, and most of all the camaraderie and wisdom that each one of us provides to each other. And somehow this makes us lesbians. What a most fascinating accusation.

This is the weekend where I come back feeling justified in who I am as a person. This is the weekend where no woman is allowed to feel inadequate, dumb, incapable, fat, ugly, unwanted, or whatever other insecurities we all tend to suffer from. I’ll admit my faults are brought clearly into the open and made plain to me by Sunday morning but I’m never left to feel as though I’m less of a person because of them. I’m always left to appreciate the diversity of talent these women surround me with and I know I can call on them when needed. There’s much comfort in knowing that we all fill some kind of void in one way or another.

I think next time I see a group of men camping/hunting or whatever together, I’ll consider spreading the rumor that they’re a group of homosexuals and I’ll contemplate infiltrating their group but somehow this doesn’t seem like a good idea. I’m very tempted to cause this type of trouble but common sense tells me to leave the idea as it is…an idea only and no action required.

I will be posting more stuff about this weekend later this week. I have to sober up first and sort through some pictures. I may or may not post pictures and I most certainly won’t be revealing who anyone is. Someone in our group may want to run for office one day and I’d hate to ruin her chances. I'm sure, because of this post (and future ones), I will suffer some kind of chastise anyway. We're not known for holding our opinions back from one another. Let her rip ladies, I can take it!

To be continued…

TRASHY LITERATURE VS TRASHY TELEVISION

Yes, it's true. I'm a literature snob admitting the inconceivable.
I sometimes read trashy romance novels.
SOMETIMES!

Most of the time, if I'm not writing, I'm reading well written novels. The classics usually and the modern stuff occasionally.

As far as the trashy romance novels, about 90% of the time I listen to the audio books in the car during my hour drive to and from work and I'll listen to them when I'm doing chores around the house. I need mindless crap sometimes. When driving, I always try to remember to keep my windows up when I'm at a stoplight. I worry the surrounding cars may overhear the narrator speak about the lead male character's throbbing whatever and it embarrasses me to no end.

Very rarely will I read a trashy novel. It's usually because I don't like the person narrating and I've become addicted to a series. I should know better than to start a series...I know and I'm very sorry.

The radio stinks and I can only listen to my music collection so many times. Even satellite radio has me bored stiff. I also think reading crap is far better than watching television because it's more mind engaging. I still have to use my imagination to visualize what's going on.

I really do believe in my logic and I'm not trying to make myself feel better for reading/listening to trashy literature.

Here's why:
- I still get to use my imagination instead of having someone hand it to me.
- Ignoring the repetition and purple prose, sometimes the actual story is clever.
- I learn what NOT to do when writing.
- It's not porn but close to it (without the guilt!).
- It creates conversation. E.g. How do muscles of steel ripple? How does one make her breasts thrust? Why are the women usually virgins?

Reading trashy stuff has its downfalls though. Granted I'm not the best grammarian but I cannot believe how some of this crap gets published. Basic grammar has been thrown out the window and don't tell me it's the "writer's style". Creative writing doesn't mean you get to throw out ALL the rules.

If you're able to write creatively and break most if not all of the rules yet maintain an easy flow, then go for it. I have a feeling the people who are able to write that well are not on the bestseller lists. At least none of the modern writers I've seen listed lately.

So, in my opinion, reading trashy literature is better than watching trashy television. I have no guilt for this sad admission. My list of quality reading materials far exceeds my trashy list and as long as I keep it that way, I'm doing myself no harm.

FACEBOOK, MYSPACE & PUMPKINS...WTF?

I'm pretty much a f++k'n moron when it comes to the online webpage stuff. I haven't figured out the whole Facebook and Myspace thing. Apparently, I'm supposed to be telling people "what's on my mind". Okay...hmm...maybe this is not my gig.

It's interesting that I have the most impossible time posting anything on Facebook but I sure as hell have plenty to say on my blog and it's probably because I haven't told anyone about it. Ha!

I understand why they're popular but I'm not sure I like them. Maybe I'll change my mind one day and be a big fan but for right now, I'll watch everyone else's postings...until I get harassed again to update my pictures or something.

I feel like it's bragging when I post pictures and stuff. You know, look at me and how cool I am! Yeah, I'm not that cool nor that interesting.

Here's how super cool I am - the pumpkins are planted. The picture is from last year because I haven't bothered to take a picture of this year's crop. Besides, the plants haven't popped out yet. They should sprout next week.

See how boring I am? One of the highlights of my life is watching pumpkins grow. Writing is primary, then painting, then pumpkins. Yay!

Weedkilling is one of the downers but I suppose you have to have one to have the other.

I'm not going to post the pumpkin planting extravaganza on Facebook. People don't need to know about that mundane detail.

All people need to know is selling pumpkins creates bad Karma. You can barter with them but most should be given away. Things which make people happy all the time, should never be sold.

I can't think of one person who doesn't smile when given a pumpkin...therefore it's good Karma to give them away.

Maybe they should do that with beer. Free beer would make me happy and any kind of cheap beer would be nice. I'm not picky.

I wonder if the local liquor store would give me beer for pumpkins...how lovely to imagine the possibility!

WHOLLY BEJESUS MONDAY! I apologize

Terribly sorry about Monday.

I re-read that entry and wow...I was one cranky bitch! Geez.

T.V. still sucks for the most part BUT IFC had Blue Velvet on last night. David Lynch is one crazy man and that movie is just plain wrong on so many levels The actors did an amazing job. Especially Dennis Hopper and Isabella Rossellini. I have to wonder where Mr. Lynch comes up with these stories (he says meditation...ummm...okay maybe). I also wonder how weird it must have been for Hopper and Rossellini to act out some of those parts. I give them credit, I don't think I could do what they did and it explains why I'm not an actress. That movie's got me thinking though!

Again, I'm terribly sorry about Monday.

It probably will happen again...

DISAPPOINTED

Wholly cow am I cranky today!

I don't even have a good reason to feel that way. Everything's bothering me.

T.V. sucks more than usual. Aside from too many commercials (which doesn't make sense when you're paying for bad t.v.), my favorite channels aren't able to hold my attention. Discovery, Turner Classics, Indie Film Channel and the History Channel aren't keeping me entertained. I'm lucky if I get one hour of t.v. a night so I'd like it to be good. This sucks.

I've resorted to watching movies on DVD. My sister bought me some for my birthday and I also bought myself a DVD. These four movies lasted me about a week (I usually see about a half a movie a night then it's time for bed). Now that I've finished those, I have to find something else.

Here's what sucks about television. I really don't care to watch anything mind-numbing. I'm tired of being treated like a dumb child and I'm tired of being talked to like a dumb child. Everything's over-done, overly-dramatic, fake and for God sakes is it possible to have characters that aren't shallow and self-absorbed? Can we quit making the men out to be idiots and quit making women obsessed about clothing and whoring around?

AND STOP DRESSING THE KIDS LIKE HOOKERS!!! Holy Hell! I can't believe the lack of clothing the pre-teens on t.v. are wearing (or not wearing - whatever!). I'm not that old and I'm not a prude but seriously, put some clothes on the kids!

So I guess this is what drives the market...disappointing, very disappointing. Obviously this is what people want...melodrama and sex. No real conversations, no real effort to engage with people. No desire to think and feel something. No desire to read or watch something that leaves you thinking about it for days after you've finished reading/watching it.

I'm not bothered by comedies but let's face it, those have been dumbed down as well.

I'm very disappointed.

Just as our government is a perfect example of our country as a whole (no matter how much people complain about it, it's a prime sample of the people of a large portion of our country), television is reflecting the same. Don't get me wrong, I still love my country and think it's the most awesomest place to live. I've lived overseas and you can't beat the USA, but I'm having a hard time with the direction we're going.

I'm so very glad I opted out of having kids because I'd have a real hard time raising them with the way things are right now.

I'll try and keep hopeful that things will change and we'll become a little wiser but I highly doubt this is possible.

As Cy Curnin from the Fixx sings (from Reach the Beach - the song "Outside"):

Tongue-tied, no words can match this point of view
Chastise, I don't belong as no-one owns

Thank you Mr. Curnin for your succinct wisdom!

BLECH! Ummm....yeah, that's about right.

Mondays...yep, say no more.

It was a beautiful weekend and I spent most of it outside in the garden to continue my never-ending war on weeds. During this battle, I got a little sunburned...a minor casulty of war. Eventually, as this war and summer wages on, the weeds will send the moquitoes and I will have to bring out the heavy artillary, SEVEN and DEET...and even with these incredible chemicals, I will begin to lose the battle and lose my garden to the weeds yet again.

I hate summer.

A sure sign of adulthood is when my idea of entertainment is weedkilling. Since when did I get old? What's really sad is my butt hurts from weeding...when did that start?

It was my birthday on Saturday. Here's another sign of aging...my idea of a good birthday is killing weeds, having a good grilled steak dinner at home and falling asleep by 9pm so I can get up early the next day to kill more weeds. I'm not even forty yet and I'm acting like a seventy year old with no other hobbies.

I have plenty of hobbies but summer is when everything gets put on hold because of the damned weeds. My niece sent me a book on weeds explaining which ones are good and/or bad. Honestly, they're all bad when they're choking out the asparagus. I don't remember giving permission to anything but the asparagus to grow in that garden.

As for the other gardens, Lord only knows what the previous owners planted as we've spent the last four years trying to decipher what the hell is what. It's coming together...slow but sure and in ten years, it'll either be finished or my dead body will be found, half eaten alive by mosquitoes and half consumed by brambles.

Oh joy!

By the way...it's been two weeks...still nothing back.

FRIDAYS ARE ALWAYS A FREAK SHOW

I don't know what it is about Fridays but they're always a freak show at work. Always entertaining and ever changing experiences happen on a Friday.

Last Friday, when I was leaving work, I caught a guy "changing" his clothes between our dumpsters in the back lot. I saw his motorcycle and wondered why there was someone back there so I drove over to see what was up. I didn't see anyone and when I yelled 'hello', a man's head popped up from between the dumpters. I couldn't see his bottom half (thank God!) but his top half was naked and he covered his chest up like a girl. He said he was changing his clothes. I told him I wasn't looking and that I'd leave him be. So, I got into my truck and left.

Hell if I was going to hang around until he was finished doing whatever he was doing!

That's just plain weird.

This Friday has been strange but since my experience last Friday, there hasn't been anything to top that...yet. The day's not over and anything can happen.

Change of subject:
It's day four and still nothing. Arg! I hate waiting.

DAY TWO - DO OR DIE

Seriously!!!!!! Day TWO and many more to go!!!

I'm not really going crazy. Although...if I do get a little wacko and I get committed, it would be like a nice long vacation with really good drugs. I could use a vacation.

I might get committed anyway if I don't get a full night's sleep sometime soon. I went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 2:30am. I think I'm probably done sleeping completely through the night for the next few months. Right now, I'm still wide awake but a little clumsy. 4.5 hours isn't so bad.

I even drank some chamomile tea - 2 big cups and it didn't help. That's a load of crap anyway.

So...I'll just continue to wait and pray the sleep Gods will soon have mercy on me.

It's do or die - Self Infliction

I'm forever getting myself into situations where it's guaranteed I'll be let down in some way. As if life isn't hard enough, I have to make it even harder. Geez!

I suppose if you don't put yourself out there for criticism, you'll always wonder what would've happened.

So...yesterday evening I decided to submit something I've been working on since October and now I get to play the waiting game. I can't say for sure if I'll get a rejection but I'm pretty sure it's inevitable. I'm hoping I'm wrong but let's be realistic...a first go at anything usually doesn't return success and persistence is the key for success. Or at least that's what the 'successful' people say and they're probably right.

I've been trying to keep pumped up. It's do or die!!! BUT...once you hit send on the old email, it's all about patience and wholly cow, I have none of that!

Here's been my brain activity since last night:

• Damn, I forgot to "request receipt".
• I wonder if they got it.
• How long is this going to take! Read my email dammit!
• I wonder if they got it.
• Still nothing in my inbox.
• They didn't get it...I know they didn't get it.
• Still nothing in my inbox.
• Crap...what did I just do...crap...geez, oh crap!

That's pretty much it. I'm being impatient for a rejection letter. I'm all wound up to feel bad. Well, like I said before, it's do or die and I suppose I'm doin' so I guess I'll keep livin'. We'll see what happens in the next FEW MONTHS because that's how long I have to wait. Oh this sucks!

DOUG LUZADER AND DORIAN GRAY

I swear Doug Luzader (the news correspondant for FoxNews) is Dorian Gray.



This has been bugging me since this morning. Please note: I don't watch the news anymore except to catch the weather. When I turned on the TV this morning, there was his face.

I do think he's a nice looking man but he's a little too perfect...or maybe he's too symmetrical. I'm not sure, really. He's definitely not bad to look at and he has a nice smile.

Here's the problem: Aside from his hair getting more gray over the years, has this man aged? I don't think he has and it's kind of creepy. I tried to find old pictures of him online and there were none. Granted, I suck at searching online but I don't suck that bad. If I had found pictures, I would've done a nice little timeline to prove my point.

Okay, yes this is a lame-ass subject and why it's been bothering me, I don't know. Eventually I forget he exists and then 'bing', there's his face again and I'm bothered all day. This has been going on for years.

Another thought just popped into my head. How weird would it be to meet him in person? I'd probably stare at him...fascinated by his lack of wrinkles. He doesn't even have laugh lines! I have laugh lines and I like my laugh lines. I think he's older than me and I'd like to know where his laugh lines are! If he's had plastic surgery, I'd like to meet his surgeon because that doctor is fantastic. I'd also recommend a couple of the hollywood freakshows that could use some help. You know, the people who've taken plastic surgery too far and look freaky now. Maybe Doug's doctor could make them look a little more normal.

I think I feel better now...

Geez, this could be interesting.

Well, here it is. The first attempt at blogging. To me, this just seems weird. It's almost like talking to a brick wall but a little freer.

BUGPAWS: I honestly have no clue where the "Bugpaws" thing comes from. It almost sounds cute.

THE ADULT CONTENT THING: You never know what might get said...especially since I like swearing. I'm not much for anything else adult-ish except swearing. I don't think Google will let anyone freely "F"-bomb but it would be nice if they did. Damn-it all.

RULES: I have none. Let her rip! If things get out of hand, I'll do something about it but until then, have fun.