A KICK IN THE BUTT!

I've been appropriately kicked.

And thankfully, although slightly painful, it was a gentle kick. Thank you Anonymous!

I’ve let this blog go lifeless for far too long and I have no excuse. Well actually I have plenty of excuses that I could spill out in a shameless torrent of crap but to be honest they’re all pretty lame and would give away the real truth about how much of a lazy-ass I really am.

That said…I feel I should return to the previous posting about Doug Luzader and Dorian Gray because of Anonymous’s recent comments. I’m not sure if the Anonymous’ who’ve posted are the same person so I’ll just pretend they are and address the recent comments here:

Doug Luzader’s eternal youth is quite possibly make-up, blinded fans and television magic, eh? Well, I won’t argue that since my television experience is nil. I’ve never even had a spot on the local news – thank God! (Just the thought alone is enough to make every known living and virile male on earth sterile and uninterested.) I’ll grant that blinded fans and television magic are key players but I can’t imagine make-up as being that amazing in covering up wrinkles.

Then again, I’m rather ‘make-up’ impaired since it seems like every time I dive into the abyss of my cosmetics drawer, I discover everything’s dried up and too spoiled to risk putting on my face. And when I do make one of those rare ventures into the world of actually-making-an-effort-to-look-nice, I either think I look the same or I think I look like one of those caked-up reality TV – oh-where-is-my-push-up-bra and –no-I’m-not-wearing-undies bimbos.

It should also be known that cameras, the regular everyday still-life photography cameras, are not kind to me. I’m not photogenic and if I should (God forbid) ever fall into stardom, I’ll be absolutely awed and fascinated if someone is able to work the miracle of making my reproduced image look good. Until then, I’m going to continue to avoid any permanent record of my existence.

In all truth, I have absolutely no clue and no authority about what in the hell I’m writing about.

Opinionated though I am, any wisdom from those-who-know is always welcome and sincerely appreciated.

That said and with Mr. Luzader still residing at the top of my Dorian Gray list, I'm going to go ice my sore bum, do some work and maybe later start on another ridiculous post.

TRASHY LITERATURE VS TRASHY TELEVISION

Yes, it's true. I'm a literature snob admitting the inconceivable.
I sometimes read trashy romance novels.
SOMETIMES!

Most of the time, if I'm not writing, I'm reading well written novels. The classics usually and the modern stuff occasionally.

As far as the trashy romance novels, about 90% of the time I listen to the audio books in the car during my hour drive to and from work and I'll listen to them when I'm doing chores around the house. I need mindless crap sometimes. When driving, I always try to remember to keep my windows up when I'm at a stoplight. I worry the surrounding cars may overhear the narrator speak about the lead male character's throbbing whatever and it embarrasses me to no end.

Very rarely will I read a trashy novel. It's usually because I don't like the person narrating and I've become addicted to a series. I should know better than to start a series...I know and I'm very sorry.

The radio stinks and I can only listen to my music collection so many times. Even satellite radio has me bored stiff. I also think reading crap is far better than watching television because it's more mind engaging. I still have to use my imagination to visualize what's going on.

I really do believe in my logic and I'm not trying to make myself feel better for reading/listening to trashy literature.

Here's why:
- I still get to use my imagination instead of having someone hand it to me.
- Ignoring the repetition and purple prose, sometimes the actual story is clever.
- I learn what NOT to do when writing.
- It's not porn but close to it (without the guilt!).
- It creates conversation. E.g. How do muscles of steel ripple? How does one make her breasts thrust? Why are the women usually virgins?

Reading trashy stuff has its downfalls though. Granted I'm not the best grammarian but I cannot believe how some of this crap gets published. Basic grammar has been thrown out the window and don't tell me it's the "writer's style". Creative writing doesn't mean you get to throw out ALL the rules.

If you're able to write creatively and break most if not all of the rules yet maintain an easy flow, then go for it. I have a feeling the people who are able to write that well are not on the bestseller lists. At least none of the modern writers I've seen listed lately.

So, in my opinion, reading trashy literature is better than watching trashy television. I have no guilt for this sad admission. My list of quality reading materials far exceeds my trashy list and as long as I keep it that way, I'm doing myself no harm.

FACEBOOK, MYSPACE & PUMPKINS...WTF?

I'm pretty much a f++k'n moron when it comes to the online webpage stuff. I haven't figured out the whole Facebook and Myspace thing. Apparently, I'm supposed to be telling people "what's on my mind". Okay...hmm...maybe this is not my gig.

It's interesting that I have the most impossible time posting anything on Facebook but I sure as hell have plenty to say on my blog and it's probably because I haven't told anyone about it. Ha!

I understand why they're popular but I'm not sure I like them. Maybe I'll change my mind one day and be a big fan but for right now, I'll watch everyone else's postings...until I get harassed again to update my pictures or something.

I feel like it's bragging when I post pictures and stuff. You know, look at me and how cool I am! Yeah, I'm not that cool nor that interesting.

Here's how super cool I am - the pumpkins are planted. The picture is from last year because I haven't bothered to take a picture of this year's crop. Besides, the plants haven't popped out yet. They should sprout next week.

See how boring I am? One of the highlights of my life is watching pumpkins grow. Writing is primary, then painting, then pumpkins. Yay!

Weedkilling is one of the downers but I suppose you have to have one to have the other.

I'm not going to post the pumpkin planting extravaganza on Facebook. People don't need to know about that mundane detail.

All people need to know is selling pumpkins creates bad Karma. You can barter with them but most should be given away. Things which make people happy all the time, should never be sold.

I can't think of one person who doesn't smile when given a pumpkin...therefore it's good Karma to give them away.

Maybe they should do that with beer. Free beer would make me happy and any kind of cheap beer would be nice. I'm not picky.

I wonder if the local liquor store would give me beer for pumpkins...how lovely to imagine the possibility!

WHOLLY BEJESUS MONDAY! I apologize

Terribly sorry about Monday.

I re-read that entry and wow...I was one cranky bitch! Geez.

T.V. still sucks for the most part BUT IFC had Blue Velvet on last night. David Lynch is one crazy man and that movie is just plain wrong on so many levels The actors did an amazing job. Especially Dennis Hopper and Isabella Rossellini. I have to wonder where Mr. Lynch comes up with these stories (he says meditation...ummm...okay maybe). I also wonder how weird it must have been for Hopper and Rossellini to act out some of those parts. I give them credit, I don't think I could do what they did and it explains why I'm not an actress. That movie's got me thinking though!

Again, I'm terribly sorry about Monday.

It probably will happen again...

BLECH! Ummm....yeah, that's about right.

Mondays...yep, say no more.

It was a beautiful weekend and I spent most of it outside in the garden to continue my never-ending war on weeds. During this battle, I got a little sunburned...a minor casulty of war. Eventually, as this war and summer wages on, the weeds will send the moquitoes and I will have to bring out the heavy artillary, SEVEN and DEET...and even with these incredible chemicals, I will begin to lose the battle and lose my garden to the weeds yet again.

I hate summer.

A sure sign of adulthood is when my idea of entertainment is weedkilling. Since when did I get old? What's really sad is my butt hurts from weeding...when did that start?

It was my birthday on Saturday. Here's another sign of aging...my idea of a good birthday is killing weeds, having a good grilled steak dinner at home and falling asleep by 9pm so I can get up early the next day to kill more weeds. I'm not even forty yet and I'm acting like a seventy year old with no other hobbies.

I have plenty of hobbies but summer is when everything gets put on hold because of the damned weeds. My niece sent me a book on weeds explaining which ones are good and/or bad. Honestly, they're all bad when they're choking out the asparagus. I don't remember giving permission to anything but the asparagus to grow in that garden.

As for the other gardens, Lord only knows what the previous owners planted as we've spent the last four years trying to decipher what the hell is what. It's coming together...slow but sure and in ten years, it'll either be finished or my dead body will be found, half eaten alive by mosquitoes and half consumed by brambles.

Oh joy!

By the way...it's been two weeks...still nothing back.

FRIDAYS ARE ALWAYS A FREAK SHOW

I don't know what it is about Fridays but they're always a freak show at work. Always entertaining and ever changing experiences happen on a Friday.

Last Friday, when I was leaving work, I caught a guy "changing" his clothes between our dumpsters in the back lot. I saw his motorcycle and wondered why there was someone back there so I drove over to see what was up. I didn't see anyone and when I yelled 'hello', a man's head popped up from between the dumpters. I couldn't see his bottom half (thank God!) but his top half was naked and he covered his chest up like a girl. He said he was changing his clothes. I told him I wasn't looking and that I'd leave him be. So, I got into my truck and left.

Hell if I was going to hang around until he was finished doing whatever he was doing!

That's just plain weird.

This Friday has been strange but since my experience last Friday, there hasn't been anything to top that...yet. The day's not over and anything can happen.

Change of subject:
It's day four and still nothing. Arg! I hate waiting.

DOUG LUZADER AND DORIAN GRAY

I swear Doug Luzader (the news correspondant for FoxNews) is Dorian Gray.



This has been bugging me since this morning. Please note: I don't watch the news anymore except to catch the weather. When I turned on the TV this morning, there was his face.

I do think he's a nice looking man but he's a little too perfect...or maybe he's too symmetrical. I'm not sure, really. He's definitely not bad to look at and he has a nice smile.

Here's the problem: Aside from his hair getting more gray over the years, has this man aged? I don't think he has and it's kind of creepy. I tried to find old pictures of him online and there were none. Granted, I suck at searching online but I don't suck that bad. If I had found pictures, I would've done a nice little timeline to prove my point.

Okay, yes this is a lame-ass subject and why it's been bothering me, I don't know. Eventually I forget he exists and then 'bing', there's his face again and I'm bothered all day. This has been going on for years.

Another thought just popped into my head. How weird would it be to meet him in person? I'd probably stare at him...fascinated by his lack of wrinkles. He doesn't even have laugh lines! I have laugh lines and I like my laugh lines. I think he's older than me and I'd like to know where his laugh lines are! If he's had plastic surgery, I'd like to meet his surgeon because that doctor is fantastic. I'd also recommend a couple of the hollywood freakshows that could use some help. You know, the people who've taken plastic surgery too far and look freaky now. Maybe Doug's doctor could make them look a little more normal.

I think I feel better now...