WHOLLY BEJESUS MONDAY! I apologize

Terribly sorry about Monday.

I re-read that entry and wow...I was one cranky bitch! Geez.

T.V. still sucks for the most part BUT IFC had Blue Velvet on last night. David Lynch is one crazy man and that movie is just plain wrong on so many levels The actors did an amazing job. Especially Dennis Hopper and Isabella Rossellini. I have to wonder where Mr. Lynch comes up with these stories (he says meditation...ummm...okay maybe). I also wonder how weird it must have been for Hopper and Rossellini to act out some of those parts. I give them credit, I don't think I could do what they did and it explains why I'm not an actress. That movie's got me thinking though!

Again, I'm terribly sorry about Monday.

It probably will happen again...

DISAPPOINTED

Wholly cow am I cranky today!

I don't even have a good reason to feel that way. Everything's bothering me.

T.V. sucks more than usual. Aside from too many commercials (which doesn't make sense when you're paying for bad t.v.), my favorite channels aren't able to hold my attention. Discovery, Turner Classics, Indie Film Channel and the History Channel aren't keeping me entertained. I'm lucky if I get one hour of t.v. a night so I'd like it to be good. This sucks.

I've resorted to watching movies on DVD. My sister bought me some for my birthday and I also bought myself a DVD. These four movies lasted me about a week (I usually see about a half a movie a night then it's time for bed). Now that I've finished those, I have to find something else.

Here's what sucks about television. I really don't care to watch anything mind-numbing. I'm tired of being treated like a dumb child and I'm tired of being talked to like a dumb child. Everything's over-done, overly-dramatic, fake and for God sakes is it possible to have characters that aren't shallow and self-absorbed? Can we quit making the men out to be idiots and quit making women obsessed about clothing and whoring around?

AND STOP DRESSING THE KIDS LIKE HOOKERS!!! Holy Hell! I can't believe the lack of clothing the pre-teens on t.v. are wearing (or not wearing - whatever!). I'm not that old and I'm not a prude but seriously, put some clothes on the kids!

So I guess this is what drives the market...disappointing, very disappointing. Obviously this is what people want...melodrama and sex. No real conversations, no real effort to engage with people. No desire to think and feel something. No desire to read or watch something that leaves you thinking about it for days after you've finished reading/watching it.

I'm not bothered by comedies but let's face it, those have been dumbed down as well.

I'm very disappointed.

Just as our government is a perfect example of our country as a whole (no matter how much people complain about it, it's a prime sample of the people of a large portion of our country), television is reflecting the same. Don't get me wrong, I still love my country and think it's the most awesomest place to live. I've lived overseas and you can't beat the USA, but I'm having a hard time with the direction we're going.

I'm so very glad I opted out of having kids because I'd have a real hard time raising them with the way things are right now.

I'll try and keep hopeful that things will change and we'll become a little wiser but I highly doubt this is possible.

As Cy Curnin from the Fixx sings (from Reach the Beach - the song "Outside"):

Tongue-tied, no words can match this point of view
Chastise, I don't belong as no-one owns

Thank you Mr. Curnin for your succinct wisdom!

BLECH! Ummm....yeah, that's about right.

Mondays...yep, say no more.

It was a beautiful weekend and I spent most of it outside in the garden to continue my never-ending war on weeds. During this battle, I got a little sunburned...a minor casulty of war. Eventually, as this war and summer wages on, the weeds will send the moquitoes and I will have to bring out the heavy artillary, SEVEN and DEET...and even with these incredible chemicals, I will begin to lose the battle and lose my garden to the weeds yet again.

I hate summer.

A sure sign of adulthood is when my idea of entertainment is weedkilling. Since when did I get old? What's really sad is my butt hurts from weeding...when did that start?

It was my birthday on Saturday. Here's another sign of aging...my idea of a good birthday is killing weeds, having a good grilled steak dinner at home and falling asleep by 9pm so I can get up early the next day to kill more weeds. I'm not even forty yet and I'm acting like a seventy year old with no other hobbies.

I have plenty of hobbies but summer is when everything gets put on hold because of the damned weeds. My niece sent me a book on weeds explaining which ones are good and/or bad. Honestly, they're all bad when they're choking out the asparagus. I don't remember giving permission to anything but the asparagus to grow in that garden.

As for the other gardens, Lord only knows what the previous owners planted as we've spent the last four years trying to decipher what the hell is what. It's coming together...slow but sure and in ten years, it'll either be finished or my dead body will be found, half eaten alive by mosquitoes and half consumed by brambles.

Oh joy!

By the way...it's been two weeks...still nothing back.

FRIDAYS ARE ALWAYS A FREAK SHOW

I don't know what it is about Fridays but they're always a freak show at work. Always entertaining and ever changing experiences happen on a Friday.

Last Friday, when I was leaving work, I caught a guy "changing" his clothes between our dumpsters in the back lot. I saw his motorcycle and wondered why there was someone back there so I drove over to see what was up. I didn't see anyone and when I yelled 'hello', a man's head popped up from between the dumpters. I couldn't see his bottom half (thank God!) but his top half was naked and he covered his chest up like a girl. He said he was changing his clothes. I told him I wasn't looking and that I'd leave him be. So, I got into my truck and left.

Hell if I was going to hang around until he was finished doing whatever he was doing!

That's just plain weird.

This Friday has been strange but since my experience last Friday, there hasn't been anything to top that...yet. The day's not over and anything can happen.

Change of subject:
It's day four and still nothing. Arg! I hate waiting.

DAY TWO - DO OR DIE

Seriously!!!!!! Day TWO and many more to go!!!

I'm not really going crazy. Although...if I do get a little wacko and I get committed, it would be like a nice long vacation with really good drugs. I could use a vacation.

I might get committed anyway if I don't get a full night's sleep sometime soon. I went to bed at 10pm and woke up at 2:30am. I think I'm probably done sleeping completely through the night for the next few months. Right now, I'm still wide awake but a little clumsy. 4.5 hours isn't so bad.

I even drank some chamomile tea - 2 big cups and it didn't help. That's a load of crap anyway.

So...I'll just continue to wait and pray the sleep Gods will soon have mercy on me.

It's do or die - Self Infliction

I'm forever getting myself into situations where it's guaranteed I'll be let down in some way. As if life isn't hard enough, I have to make it even harder. Geez!

I suppose if you don't put yourself out there for criticism, you'll always wonder what would've happened.

So...yesterday evening I decided to submit something I've been working on since October and now I get to play the waiting game. I can't say for sure if I'll get a rejection but I'm pretty sure it's inevitable. I'm hoping I'm wrong but let's be realistic...a first go at anything usually doesn't return success and persistence is the key for success. Or at least that's what the 'successful' people say and they're probably right.

I've been trying to keep pumped up. It's do or die!!! BUT...once you hit send on the old email, it's all about patience and wholly cow, I have none of that!

Here's been my brain activity since last night:

• Damn, I forgot to "request receipt".
• I wonder if they got it.
• How long is this going to take! Read my email dammit!
• I wonder if they got it.
• Still nothing in my inbox.
• They didn't get it...I know they didn't get it.
• Still nothing in my inbox.
• Crap...what did I just do...crap...geez, oh crap!

That's pretty much it. I'm being impatient for a rejection letter. I'm all wound up to feel bad. Well, like I said before, it's do or die and I suppose I'm doin' so I guess I'll keep livin'. We'll see what happens in the next FEW MONTHS because that's how long I have to wait. Oh this sucks!

DOUG LUZADER AND DORIAN GRAY

I swear Doug Luzader (the news correspondant for FoxNews) is Dorian Gray.



This has been bugging me since this morning. Please note: I don't watch the news anymore except to catch the weather. When I turned on the TV this morning, there was his face.

I do think he's a nice looking man but he's a little too perfect...or maybe he's too symmetrical. I'm not sure, really. He's definitely not bad to look at and he has a nice smile.

Here's the problem: Aside from his hair getting more gray over the years, has this man aged? I don't think he has and it's kind of creepy. I tried to find old pictures of him online and there were none. Granted, I suck at searching online but I don't suck that bad. If I had found pictures, I would've done a nice little timeline to prove my point.

Okay, yes this is a lame-ass subject and why it's been bothering me, I don't know. Eventually I forget he exists and then 'bing', there's his face again and I'm bothered all day. This has been going on for years.

Another thought just popped into my head. How weird would it be to meet him in person? I'd probably stare at him...fascinated by his lack of wrinkles. He doesn't even have laugh lines! I have laugh lines and I like my laugh lines. I think he's older than me and I'd like to know where his laugh lines are! If he's had plastic surgery, I'd like to meet his surgeon because that doctor is fantastic. I'd also recommend a couple of the hollywood freakshows that could use some help. You know, the people who've taken plastic surgery too far and look freaky now. Maybe Doug's doctor could make them look a little more normal.

I think I feel better now...